Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

His Timing and Our New Blessing

Many of you have sent messages checking on us, I know I've been quiet. Cherishing the moments and intentionally unplugging. But also counting our blessings in amazement of His timing. It is always, always perfect...

We found out on October 13th, exactly 3 months to the day that we lost Isaac that we are pregnant. Shock that it happened so quickly (because it so hasn't in the past) has slowly turned to cautious excitement. I imagine a big part of me is protecting my heart, but I really try to not stop and think about that too much. This is also a big reason I have been quiet. If I ever seem to avoid or not answer questions I am sorry, I don't mean to, but believe it is part of my way of coping. We still have many, many moments that we grieve the loss of Isaac, and this baby will never, ever replace him. It is a balancing act, this life we all live.

We waited until we were toward the end of our first trimester to tell Anastacia. She was absolutely and completely precious. Her first comment was "How in the world am I going to be a big sister to TWO babies?" And then with her big eyes turned and asked us "Do you think God will let this baby live with us instead of heaven?" We told her that is our prayer.
We found out about a month ago we are expecting a little girl. Once again Anastacia completely called it:) We had been talking about names several weeks before and we went over some ideas for a girl, and then I asked what about if we have a boy? Her response...

"Mom, I have a brother I know he is in heaven but I will get to see him and live with him one day, God is sending us a sister this time." Sometimes I wonder:) A few weeks later when we found out and told her she clapped her hands and said "I knew it, remember mom I told you God was sending us a girl."

I have gone back and forth the last few months about writing this part of our journey, but there have been so many moments I don't want to forget. Also, God has taught us over the last year nothing can ever replace the community of faith and prayer that has surrounded us. So, here we are...

to which my body says really again? :)
And our minds and hearts are slowly processing and wrapping around this idea of another little baby. We have come to the conclusion we probably won't relax much until she is here. And that is okay, this is a whole other journey that has come with it's own set of mountains and valleys. More stepping out in courage to trust Him. And knowing that His plan is always, always perfect.

If you could find room in your prayers this weekend for our family, we have an ultrasound Monday morning with a perinatal (high risk) doctor. Our amazing OB who is so dear to us has been following us every two weeks, but they also want to do a very thorough anatomy scan and growth measurement check-up. I am about 21 weeks and she is actively kicking right now, there has been nothing to indicate anything but a healthy little girl. On the flip side of that we intentionally turned down much of the testing we did early on with Isaac. It didn't ever tell us much other than that "something" was going on, but they weren't able to tell "what" until he was developed enough to check/measure anatomy. Which is where we are now. This makes me nervous if I stop and think about it, which honestly I don't...

We continue to hold tight to Proverbs 3:5.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding."

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