Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Monday, October 31, 2011

He's Perfect

This weekend I was cleaning out one of the bedrooms and found this...

And my heart broke a little. I remember so vividly buying it in the spring while I was on a girls weekend with some of my best friends from college. Thinking it would be perfect for this fall. And about two weeks later our world was turned upside down. Especially in moments like this I can't begin to describe how thankful I am for the hope that I have...

Knowing that no matter what, when all is said and done, we won't lose...

One day I will see our son again...

In His perfect timing, He will raise the veil for us to see...

"This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary." Hebrews 6:19

A dear sweet friend who walked into our life at exactly the right time wrote this for us. She is amazingly talented and has a voice of angels. As tears ran down, she blessed me with hearing her play and sing this sweet song a few weeks ago. And I continue to be reminded that there are no mistakes, that Isaac was perfect too.

He's Perfect

Such perfect little tiny toes
Such perfect tiny fingers
Saying I love you
I love you.

No time to run or play with him
No hugs or mommy kisses
Will it be okay?
Will it be okay?

But I know that my Saviors here
He gives me strength when I am weak
He'll wipe away my every tear
He died for me
He died for me.

Don't cry for me my Mommy
You know I'm in His hands
It's gonna be okay
It's gonna be okay.

He died for me as He died for you
And He let me come to tell you
To tell you I love you
I love you

And you know right now that your Saviors here
He gives you strength when you are weak
He'll wipe away your every tear
And He's holding you as He's holding me

Cause Jesus said it's for a little while
And I'll see you once again
But until that day you know I'll wait for you
And He's telling me, He's telling me
He loves you.

Such perfect little tiny toes
Such perfect little fingers
Saying I love you...I love you.

~squeaking of park swings
~His perfect timing
~warm blankets on cool mornings
~bedtime prayers
~pumpkin, pumpkin, and more pumpkin. Muffins, pancakes, oatmeal.
~fiery orange leaves
~sparkle of princesses dressed up
~His promise
~learning to live in this very moment, this one right now He blessed us with
~playing soccer with Daddy

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Why is it so easier to exclude, rather than include???

To put yourself first, rather than last???

"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And the second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these." Mark 12: 30-31 (emphasis mine)

Nowhere does it say love your neighbor only if...

they look like you....

have your skin color...

wear the "right" clothes...

drive the "right" car...

don't have annoying children...

aren't Muslim....

aren't Hindu....

What if we could love more, love unconditionally as His son did. Love without intention, love irregardless. To often I catch me putting myself before others. Wondering why they can't be like me, wouldn't it be easier then? Rather than bowing before Him and refusing to go there. What about putting others first as He did? How uncomfortable is this prayer of mine. For Him to chisel and shape me, taking my selfish, sinful mess and praying that if I am patient, maybe just maybe I will be able to make out His image.

Monday, October 24, 2011


Our God is greater.

Our God is stronger.

Our God is higher.

Only He works in our lives in ways we could never imagine. He is faithful, He is the promise-keeper. Nothing happens by chance. Even when you can't see Him around you, He will show up. This mess of me, He is working in, He is shaping, and molding into His image. We are still known and loved by Him. There is no place that He cannot go~

"The Lord is great and is to be highly praised; he is to be honored more than all the gods. The gods of all the other nations are only idols, but the Lord created the heavens. Glory and majesty surround him; power and beauty fill his Temple." Psalm 96:4-6

~Holding hands
~Climbing trees at Great Grandma's
~Time slowing for puzzles
~Delight through six year old eyes
~Transparency and growing with friends
~Body of Christ doing life together
~Love still, after 14 years
~When friendship becomes family
~Teachers who care and inspire
~Warm sun through windows
~Messy handprints
~A clean home

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Six months ago we had a choice. We could either operate in faith or in fear. Even if you stand with only one tiny seed of faith you will learn that God is bigger than our fears, anger, pain, sorrow.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

No matter how much you throw at Him or lay at His feet, He loves you through it all. His promise has never been that we will not have trials or suffering. His promise is to meet us in the middle of it all. Our prayer landed in Gethsemane. And when He met us not only did He hold us, many times He carried us.

Breathing deep I let go and He catches me. For this is His promise, when everything crashes down, He will be there to hold us. We ran to Him for refuge and experienced His provision in the wilderness...

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

"This is what it means to be held
How it feels,
When the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive..."

Monday, October 17, 2011


Memories float back, so clear this time of year. Warm air brushing my face as I walked in, smelling of chocolate chip or snicker-doodle cookies depending on the menu that day. I can still feel the crisp clean sheets that always smelled slightly of bleach. Cheering of fans, this announcer, the game playing in the background. Oh, my grandparents loved baseball. Especially this time of year, because if it was still on in their house it meant the Cardinals were winning.

Remembering the stories of my mom listening to the games with her grandpa, as they repeated the same with me. Holding his hand going to the game, the strong smell of popcorn, excitement in the air. This week is for slowing down, making our own memories. Waking up to the gift of our moments. Watching some Cardinals baseball with one more generation.

~Silky sweet smelling curls
~Cousin love
~Lifting of hands together
~Unexpected, surprising blessing
~Sunrise that glows
~Fall drives
~Unwavering support of friends and family
~Warm small arms that wrap me in love
~ Privilege of ministering to others
~World Series baseball with the Cards:)

Saturday, October 15, 2011

October 15th - Breaking The Silence...

Nine months ago today I wondered if we were having a boy or girl...

Never even considering we would be on this journey instead...

Never thinking I wouldn't bring Isaac home with me, almost exactly on this day today...

Never knowing that there is a whole month remembering and celebrating our precious angels in heaven...

No one really thinks that their baby won't live, won't be born healthy, won't be going home...

Unless you know someone, or are that mom or dad...

Five months ago was the worst day of our lives, we found out we may get to hold him, only to have to give him back...

Three months ago we lived that day... and He let Isaac come long enough to tell us "I love you"...

Today is about remembering, celebrating lives lost too soon...


One in four women will lose a baby, and we are not alone...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Pure preciousness

Maybe I am nuts, but I was excited over the fact that she didn't need speech therapy, that she will "grow" out of all her crazy little sayings...

I am in love with the way she needs a banbaid for her dinger...

Or hanatizer for her hands...

I had a flat tummy when I was pregnant...

What dtinks momma???

Look at that face, would you want her to grow up any more quickly than she already is? If only I could just catch these breathtaking moments and bottle them for later. The sayings, belly laughs, hugs and lovins. Instead I will pause, catch myself and breathe, for this very moment is the only one I have for sure. Preciousness...

Thursday, October 13, 2011


There are days He takes my breath away...

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1

His fingerprints seem to surround, as if He is gifting me with a reminder of His power, love, glory and faithfulness. The masterpiece He has created pulls at me. Seeking beauty, I find Him and am overcome with His presence. Some days He seems so hidden, then other moments I am taken aback by His glory. My prayer has been for Him to reveal himself to me in all the moments in my day...

LORD, our Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens. Psalm 8:1

Monday, October 10, 2011


A small hand opened showing me a wooden cross and whale key chain. Momma, I am taking these to school today to teach my friends about God. Did you know that no matter how far you run away from God He will keep chasing you, He loves you that much. That is what Jonah did. He tried to run away and God kept chasing him because He loved him, that is what I want to tell my friends.

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead, I called for help and you listened to my cry." Jonah 2:2

"To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you, LORD my God, brought my life up from the pit." Jonah 2:6

When we were cruising along and bouncing through life we tended to take God for granted. Yes, we prayed; yes, we went through the motions. But a deep, abiding, depending faith? Trusting Him with every part, every loved one in our life? It wasn't until we had lost all hope, that we truly turned to Him and gave Him each and every part of our lives.

"When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the LORD." Jonah 2:7

Much like Jonah we ran and He followed, we hit bottom, cried out to Him and He answered. He brought our life up from the pit. We are stubborn, but learning our own limitations, and that only He is sufficient. I know He is chasing me, and asking me to trust Him with all of it, even when I can't see beyond that moment. Learning to turn to Him in both the good and bad times.

~Lessons from my daughter
~Eyes sparkling with the love of the Lord
~Catching up with precious friends
~Mommy/daughter date nights
~Saturday morning pancakes
~Pink snow cones
~Perfect park days with girlfriends
~Rainy mornings
~Pumpkin patch
~Hope we have through Jesus
~Gift of a tree for Isaac
~First fall color

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Fall fun~

Our visit to the pumpkin patch this week~

Angel kisses, don't you love them?

Smiling scarecrow~

Piles of pumpkins~

Oh, the indecision~

Precious friends~

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:20

Monday, October 3, 2011

Hard thanks...

I would do well to learn from my six year old. She has had a few rough days at school lately with a good dose of anxiety. We have been working with her amazing teacher and counselor at school and praying ALOT. When we were having one of our "deep" conversations last week while she was laying in bed, I taught her this verse...

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

We talked about when something is hard or she gets sad, Jesus is always with her and helps her. A few days ago I was watching her from afar working on something that was a little tough for her. Fists clenched up and frustration crossed her face. Then I heard the sweetest little voice quietly say...
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." And she went on to try again. Later we were in the car and she says Momma when I am sad or something is hard I say that verse to myself and it helps, Momma it really helps. Reminding me of my need to whisper scripture too through the hard and tough times.

Even on the hard days...

~A small voice whispering scripture
~Clear cool evenings with the stars
~Fall evenings
~Porch swings
~Fresh ground flour
~Falling leaves in the wind
~October skies
~ Smores and a warm fire
~Excitement of going to Nana's and Papa's
~Sharing Burdens