Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Not my strength...

Many, many people have come up to us and made the comment how proud they are of our strength, or that I am one strong mom.
I have a secret, if you really, really, really know me you would know that I am not strong. If this would have happened to me 10 years ago, 5 years ago, even 6 months ago, I am not sure where I would be. Wounded, without Him, and trying to rely on my own self-sufficiency, that is where I would be. It shouldn't be a secret that I rely on Him, and am ashamed that it has been one. At the beginning of this journey, when I asked myself how I was getting up each morning, I would pray for Him to give me strength. Gradually that changed to Him becoming my strength. And now I am broken, but with Him and I am overcome by His strength. Daily I have to decide if I am going to depend on Him to sustain me. Our ability to move forward, to cherish each moment, to not waste one minute, there is no other way it could make sense other than it is not our own strength. He puts my two feet on the floor each morning.
"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times in trouble." Psalm 46:1
When I rest in Him and let Him carry me that is when I feel His power and peace. We needed Him, we were not self-sufficient and this wasn't a situation we could just power through. Through this journey we are learning to not depend on ourselves, and that depending on God isn't a weakness, it is acknowledging His power.
The story Paul tells reaches down deep into my soul.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10.
Daily I still struggle with doubts, fears, worries, grief, anger, all those messy, messy feelings. And He continues to meet me right in the middle of my mess and weaknesses. We are not perfect. Faith is hard. But He loves us, and I need Him. Our sweet miracle was not a burden, but an indication that God does love us, so much so that He will not let us try to rely on our own strength, but rely on Him to carry us. If I am willing to submit to Him, then I can see Him accomplish even greater things than I can do on my own. And He can do that for you. The same power that raised His son, is available to carry you through the pain, the discouragement, the trials. When you rest in Him you will feel His power and peace. If you can find a small bit of courage to trust, even if all you can pray is "God, I need you, I cannot do this on my own." He will answer, "You cannot but I can and I will take you as you are, right in the middle of your fears and failures and I will carry you."

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." Ephesians 6:10

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